


You and me and this room

by Fangirlindisguise (FracturedMe)



Category: SKAM (TV)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Soulmates, Broken Bond, Character Study, F/M, Unresolved Emotional Tension, Violence, it's a ball of terribleness, like super angsty, really angsty, the explicit rating is for violence
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-01-24
Updated: 2018-01-24
Packaged: 2019-03-08 23:59:24
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,420
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13469373
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/FracturedMe/pseuds/Fangirlindisguise
Summary: She hates his face. she wishes he would just leave. Why won't he leave?----------------------inspired by another fic. but not really? idk! It's weird!





	You and me and this room

**Author's Note:**

> So this is something I wrote in the middle of writing this super fluffy evak fic. So it's a bit of a emotional dump.  
> It's not beta'ed so sorry if it sucks and makes no sense.  
> The aim was to make this very weird and uncomfortable. So if be warned. It's a weird one!  
> Sorry!

She stares at the back of his head. He’s looking down. Reading something in his laptop. She wants to smash his skull in for a brief moment. she’s glad that they no longer have the bond. She wouldn’t want him to hear this. To know how she despises him. How disgusted she feels every time she sees his silhouette approaching.

She could do it. She has imagined it so often that it’s like recalling a favorite memory. What would she do it with? A golf club? A hammer? Sometimes it’s just a stone. A huge rock, grey and jagged.

She picks it up and she raises it behind his head. He’s so innocent, none-the-wiser as she brings it down and smashes it over his head.

For a moment nothing would happen. She thinks about trying again, but doesn’t. The moment is frozen. Neither one moves. Neither breathes. They stop and then a small black spot appears between his blonde locks. Thick, black blood starts to bubble out.

It’s crazy satisfying. She finally feels the weight lift from her lungs and she breathes in; free and calm.

 _I’m finally free from you._ She thinks she would say.

He never turns around to look at her. He never says a word. Just slowly falls over. His laptop crashes to the floor and he follows after.

She thinks this way is easier. She wouldn’t want to see his eyes. She brings the rock down again. And again. And again.

The cracking sounds softer as she reaches softer matter inside.

Her stomach rolls. Yes. It’s better he no longer hears her thoughts.

She’s almost thankful he did this to them. It’s only late at nights when they’re tangled together as their breath and sweat mix together that she feels her eyes sting and she misses it. The adoration, the wonder, the unwavering acceptance.

_You love me. And I love you. And you will never be able to not love me. We are bound together; soul and mind and heart. My blood is your blood. Your pain is mine._

No more. Nothing is nobody’s these days.

She hates the sight of him. She hates him when he laughs, when he cooks, when he talks. Everything about him makes her stomach turn.

“Why are you here?” she wants to ask him. “Why are you still here?”

She doesn’t.

 _Leave me alone,_ she screams in her head. _Come back!_ She begs right after.

He never reacts anymore. He loves it all. He hates it all.

She will catch him looking at her sometimes too. But he’s always sad. Melancholy swims in his effervescent blues. She thinks he pities her. Or pities them. Maybe he misses it too. Maybe he misses their matched breaths and the synchronized beat of their hearts.

She knows he must yearn for the lost, too.

_That was the best thing we ever had._

And he took it away. So selfish.

“It’s better this way,” He has said. “the love is real now.”

The love wasn’t real. Though the hatred was.

She wished she had a hammer. She would look so bad-ass as she smashed it into his head. He’d never see it coming.

_CRACK_

She loves the sound. She hates it.

She’s losing her mind.

It’s his fault. He poisons the air. He’s stealing her breath. Takes the oxygen and leaves his residue behind. He’s polluting her environment.

She wishes he would leave. Just walk out.

“I fell in love with someone else.” He would explain helpfully. She’ll cry. Beg him to stay. Cling to his legs, kiss his calves.

“please don’t.”

“Love me.

“choose me.

“stay with me.

“let me keep this. Let me keep you.”

_This is all I ever wanted._

“I don’t want this. I never did.” He would say. Coldly. He’ll look cruel and ugly. For once he’ll be definitely ugly.

She wants to spit in his face. Slap him away. Drag his face over a grinder.

He’ll leave.

And she’ll be free.

_If I just close my eyes and concentrate really hard, it’s like you were never here._

“Get the fuck away from me.” She wants to shout it in his ears until they bleed.

She doesn’t have the energy to. Her mug is empty; she wants more tea but she can’t move.

That’s another thing that happens every once in a while.

Her body turns against her. It’s taking its revenge on her. It’s her body’s way of letting her know they blame her for losing their other half.

 _HE DID IT!_ She wants to scream at them. But how do you scream at yourself?

She closes her eyes. Takes a deep breath.

If she tries hard enough, it’ll be like he never walked into her life. And she’s free. So free.

Get away from me.

“I’m leaving you.” She says out loud. He suddenly sits up straight. His back is straight as a rod, tense.

“what?” He whispers it. Like he can’t believe it. Like he doesn’t know that every time they fuck these days, she goes into the bathroom after and throws up. That she intentionally steps out of his space, dances around him. Avoids his touch. Avoid him like the plague.

He knows. He knows she is disgusted by the sham they have going. This picture of perfect harmony.

“Oh we love it! Nothing has changed. Our love is as strong as the very first day we bonded. It’s better this way. More exciting. And we know. we know for sure that we chose this.” He says at parties to anyone who asks.

_Did we? Did we choose this?_

_Why the fuck did we choose this?_ She wonders.

Everyone looks skeptical.

 _Me too._ She tells them with her eyes. She smiles brightly and kisses him to prove a point. it’s like kissing dust.

She fucking hates him.

“I fucking hate you.” She says out loud.

 _I love you so much,_ she cries on the inside. _Let’s go back._

He has fully turned; he’s giving her an incredulous look. Like he can’t believe what he’s hearing. His mouth hangs open. he looks so stupid, she wants to punch him.

“Baby…” He starts to say.

She stands up and walks away.

 _I don’t have time for this._ she thinks.

She closes the bedroom door behind her. Her throat is clogged. She can’t breathe. She feels her face get warm. Her temples begin to throb. Her eyes sting.

This is another side effect. When she thinks too hard about what was taken away from her.

Like a mother, mourning the sudden death of a child.

They took her most precious right from her arms; already cold and dead. And buried it under soft dirt, right in front of her eyes.

 _You killed it! You murderer!_ She wants to scream but the tears stuck in her throat won’t let her.

She wonders what she would do with his body. They live on the seventh floor. She has to get him down somehow.

She wonders if she can throw him out the window, like an old couch.

“Discarded” she’ll write with a marker on his shirt.

She’ll have to clean the blood. She’ll wear a black dress. With a black veil.

_Welcome to my wedding day. The groom is dead out the window, say hi as you pass him._

She wants to light a cigarette but she hates the taste. He used to smoke them for her. They don’t do anything for each other anymore.

She wishes he would just leave.

Why won’t he leave?

This is what he wanted. Then why does he linger?

He won’t let her mourn. He just walks around the house in sweatpants and an old torn T-shirt; taunting her. He haunts her; day and night. Her bright golden ghost.  

Here but not here.

Close but not close enough.

Far but not far enough.

She wonders which one of them will kill the other first?

Maybe he’ll leave. Eventually. Fall in love for real and let her be.

Then she’ll mourn for good. She’ll light a candle and she’ll cry.

She’ll sit Vigil for days and nights. And she’ll bid their memories goodbye.

Every kiss.

Every touch.

Every smile.

This is goodbye.

She’ll hug them, kiss them. Let her tears wash them clean. She’ll collect them, like an armful of small whitewashed pebbles.

And she’ll bury them. Wash her hands of him.

Fly away.

Go ruin someone else’s dreams. Plague another’s nightmare.

_Let me be free._

_I’m sick of you._

Soon. She consoles. Soon.

 


End file.
